What really matters at the end of life | BJ Miller

At the end of our lives, what do we most wish for? For many, it’s simply comfort, respect, love. BJ Miller is a palliative care physician who thinks deeply about how to create a dignified, graceful end of life for his patients. Take the time to savor this moving talk, which asks big questions about how we think on death and honor life.

TRANSFORM IN A WEEK AND MAKE 2018 THE BEST YEAR EVER

Einstein said to do the same thing over and over again and to expect different results is insanity.


We are approaching the end of February and this year is speeding past. New Year's resolutions have probably disappeared from sight. Before you know it this year would have passed by and it will the 31st December and you will be wondering, where did this year go?


STOP!


Now Imagine it is the 31st Dec and you are at a New Year's party and someone asks you what you did this year. Suddenly you have a big smile and you proceed to say how you are the healthiest you've ever been, in the best shape of your life, having a great job and feeling happy and it all started when you did the 'Transform in a week' process back in February. So START NOW and get ready to feel proud at the end of this year.
The transform in a week process has 7 steps, one for each day.Ideally do it with a friend as you can encourage each other. Good luck and keep me informed how it goes.




TRANSFORM IN A WEEK PROCESS

Day 1 Find a central place for your notes

Have you ever had a really good day where you have learnt a lot but then a few weeks later you can't remember what you did or how you did it. In this transformative  process you will be creating lasting change, so make sure you have notes that you can access easily and refer to constantly.
You could use a note taking app (Evernote or Onenote (for Microsoft fans), or Workflowy (if you like lists) or just write in a notebook. Whatever you do choose one before the end of the day.


Day 2 Goals

Set goals for the year. Remember when you were a kid and you were excited at Christmas. If you set the right goals, you will wake up in a similarly happy state.
Spend a good amount of time and just write all the goals you want to do.
Switch your critic off and just let your brain come out with what you would love to do. For each goal be specific, what would you like by when.
Lots of people focus on just money or fitness and then feel unfulfilled because they haven't thought about the 8 sides of their life. So as you are writing your goals, classify them in the following 8 headings and  make sure you have goals in each area.

1)Physical/Health
2)Financial
3)Spirtual
4)Mental
5)Family
6)Contribution/Social
7)Vocation
8)Fun

Think about these goals before you go to sleep and let your subconcious work on them. Thomas Edison used to this and enables you to use all the amazing resources of your subconscious to drive you to success.


Day 3 Make a Compelling Vision

With all the goals you have written choose the top 3 and write them down and put them

a) Next to your bed
b) In your wallet / purse

You should look at these all the time and say them out loud every morning and night.

Also create a vision board with all your goals. This will be a board with all pictures of your successful goals. Again put this next to your bed so you see it constantly.


Day 4 Reason why

This is the big one.
Victor Frankl in his amazing book 'Man's search for Meaning ' wrote that the people who survived the terrors of  the  concentration camps where the ones with a reason why. If you have a big enough why you can bear any how.
A good trick is to make it not about yourself. Think if you can succeed you can provide for your kids or your parents or your loved ones.
So think about your reason why. Make it a big one as this is what will drive you to success.


Day 5 Feedback system

Once you have your goals and direction you need to know when you getting closer or further away so you need some feedback system.
At the end of each day think what went well and what could be improved.
With the things that went well - can you make them better or can you use the techniques in a different area of your life.
With the things that could be improved - how could you improve them. Is there anything from another area of your life that you could use to improve this area. Ideally write 3 possible options and then the next time the same situation occurs you will have options to come to a different solution.


Day 6 Measurement vs goals  and iterate

Would you like to know the secret of success? The head of IBM Thomas J Watson said if you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate. So you need attempt and reattempt and change each reattempt based on the feedback you receive. So you need to measure where you are against your goals and what you need to do to change.
With your initial goals, break them down into monthly and weekly goals then start doing actions to get there.
I remember Tony Robbins used to smile when everyone said he had a natural talent for public speaking. All the other speakers were presenting a few times a month wheras Tony was presenting a few times a day. So once you know your broken down goals just attempt and reattempt , re-adjusting for each attempt based on feedback.


Day 7 Accountability and Environment

The easiest and quickest way to get where you want to get is to hang out with people who have already got there. This is like an elastic band. If the people around you are better than and you fall behind, just like an elastic band you will spring back to their level. This also works the other way that if the people in your environment are much more negative, they will drag you down.

They also say that you are the average (in terms of money, fitness, happiness, everything) of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Look through the people you spend the most time with. Do they give you energy or take away energy? Do they inspire you or make you feel down?
Ensure that you surround yourself with people who inspire and help you reach your goals

Also find someone and share your goals. Then put a weekly call to ensure that you are accountable to each other. 

I would  love to hear of your successes, challengers and  processors. Please write in the comments to tell me of  your journey! Good luck. Here is to the best year ever.

THE SECRET TO A FULFILLING LIFE

Great article by Melanie Curtin, writing about one of the longest studies on human development, health, well-being and happiness.
You might think you know what would make you happy and fulfilled but the data doesn't lie. This will tell you what you should focus on  for a healthy, wealthy and wise life!

This 80-Year Harvard Study Found the 1 Secret to Leading a Fulfilling Life

Here's some wisdom gleaned from one of the longest longitudinal studies ever conducted.

                                                            Credit: Getty Images

Prioritizing what's important is challenging in today's world. The split focus required to maintain a career and a home, not to mention a Facebook feed, can feel overwhelming.

Enter the science of what to prioritize, when.

For over 80years, Harvard's Grant and Glueck study has tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two populations: 456 poor men growing up in Boston from 1939 to 2014 (the Grant Study), and 268 male graduates from Harvard's classes of 1939-1944 (the Glueck study).

Due to the length of the research period, this has required multiple generations of researchers. Since before WWII, they've diligently analyzed blood samples, conducted brain scans (once they became available), and pored over self-reported surveys, as well as actual interactions with these men, to compile the findings.

The conclusion? According to Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one thing surpasses all the rest in terms of importance:

"The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period."

Not how much is in your 401(k). Not how many conferences you spoke at--or keynoted. Not how many blog posts you wrote or how many followers you had or how many tech companies you worked for or how much power you wielded there or how much you vested at each.

No, the biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love.

Specifically, the study demonstrates that having someone to rely on helps your nervous system relax, helps your brain stay healthier for longer, and reduces both emotional as well as physical pain.

The data is also very clear that those who feel lonely are more likely to see their physical health decline earlier and die younger.

"It's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship," says Waldinger. "It's the quality of your close relationships that matters."

What that means is this: It doesn't matter whether you have a huge group of friends and go out every weekend or if you're in a "perfect" romantic relationship (as if those exist). It's the quality of the relationships--how much vulnerability and depth exists within them; how safe you feel sharing with one another; the extent to which you can relax and be seen for who you truly are, and truly see another.

According to George Vaillant, the Harvard psychiatrist who directed the study from 1972 to 2004, there are two foundational elements to this: "One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away."

Thus, if you've found love (in the form of a relationship, let's say) but you undergo a trauma like losing a job, losing a parent, or losing a child, and you don't deal with that trauma, you could end up "coping" in a way that pushes love away.

This is a very good reminder to prioritize not only connection but your own capacity to process emotions and stress. If you're struggling, get a good therapist. Join a support group. Invest in a workshop. Get a grief counselor. Take personal growth seriously so you are available for connection.

Because the data is clear that, in the end, you could have all the money you've ever wanted, a successful career, and be in good physical health, but without loving relationships, you won't be happy.

The next time you're scrolling through Facebook instead of being present at the table with your significant other, or you're considering staying late at the office instead of getting together with your close friend, or you catch yourself working on a Saturday instead of going to the farmer's market with your sister, consider making a different choice.

"Relationships are messy and they're complicated," acknowledges Waldinger. But he's adamant in his research-backed assessment:

"The good life is built with good relationships."

Melanie Curtin: https://www.inc.com/melanie-curtin/want-a-life-of-fulfillment-a-75-year-harvard-study-says-to-prioritize-this-one-t.html