Use Peter's Laws as inspiration for New Beliefs and a New You.

Peter Diamandes has some brilliant beliefs that enables him to achieve unbelievable things.

He says that once a colleague wrote Murphy's law on the wall (ie if it can go wrong it will).
He thought this is a terrible belief to have so he changed it to if it can go wrong, fix it. He then added a few more beliefs to give his 28  beliefs or as he calls them his 28 Peter's Laws. See the link below for the full list but these are the ones that particular resonate with me.


1. If you can't measure it, you can't improve it.
This is key to success.  You need to know what you want (your goals) and you need to be measuring it. They say planes are off course 97% of the time but because they know where they are going and are measuring, they can reach their destination. If you  are not measuring, how can you possibly know if you are getting closer or further away from your goals. And make sure you have your goals otherwise you'll be following someone else's agenda.

If  you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not Much....Jim Rohn

2. Fail early, fail often, fail forward!
Niels Bohr has the best definition of an expert, I have ever heard.

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field..Niels Bohr

Hence to become an expert, you simply need to fail more. You should also de-risk and  make sure you learn from all your attempts and you can start small so  if you fail it does not have  a big impact but you gain experience.

3. You get what you incentivise
If you do not incentivise something, your brain will not be working on it and you will probably not get it,  so you should incentivise and visualise succeeding.

4. No simply means begin again at one level higher
This is  a  great rule. One of my colleagues has been asking something at work for a long time and then he just went to a different person and it was approved immediately. If you are getting 'NO's try one level higher.

5. If you  can't win, change the rules.
Most people think things can't be done because  they think these are the rules but think like an entrepreneur and look at things in a different way and you can see different  options  to succeed.

To see the full list of Peter Diamandes'  rules, see the link below.



http://www.diamandis.com/peters-laws

Stop Anxiety/Panic Attack - Use 54321 Grounding Technique

If you are suffering stress, panic attacks, unwanted emotions and thoughts, then the  54321 Grounding Technique might help.

The ancients used to say ' the mind is a kite and the breath is a string'  when your mind is running away, in a state of panic you forget that you can control it with your breath. Just breath in slowly for a few seconds, hold for a few seconds and breathe out for a few seconds. This put the brakes on  your racing mind. Then  go through the 5,4,3,2,1 technique -see below.

When you are doing this make sure you give your full attention to this. Again it will act as a  brake. Grounding is just bringing to focus on  the now. Your brain can only focus on one thing at a time so if you are fully focused on the now you cannot be in a state of panic about a future or past event.


5. SEE FIVE things around you.. This could be your computer (in your office), a window (at home), a lampost (in the street), a seat (in the tube) or a flower (in the park). Doesn't matter what it is, just find and look at five different things.

4.TOUCH FOUR  around you. This could be the carpet or the clothes you are wearing or a pen you have or a book or wall near you. Ideally touch them and feel the sensation against your skin.

3 HEAR THREE things around you. It could be a dog barking or the sound of the air conditioner or someone talking. Just listen and notice three separate things.

2 SMELL TWO things around you. This could be bread or the smell of perfume or  the smell of your skin or anything around you.

1 TASTE ONE thing. What can you taste on your tongue, or something in your mouth or the taste of something you had to eat recently.


So practice this technique and the next time you feel anxious try it and see how it helps.

Please leave a comment on your experiences!

How To Design a Remarkable Life

Would you like to have a remarkable life? Warning this exercise could seriously change you life for the better (and has for many people). Debbie constantly receives letters saying it has all come true.

This is an extract from a Tim Ferris Podcast where he talks to Debbie Millman. Debbie shares 'Your Ten Year Plan for a Remarkable Life' exercise she modified from Milton Glaser and  teaches in her classes. Here's the exercise

THE EXERCISE

So let say it is 10 years from now (eg Feb 2028. What does your life look like? What are you doing? Where are you living? Who are you living with? Do you have pets? What kind of house are you in? Is it an apartment are you in the city are you in the country? What does your furniture look like? What is your bed like? What are your sheets like? What kind of clothes do you wear? What kind of hair do you have?

Tell me about your pets, tell me about your significant other, do you have children? Do you have a car? Do you have a boat? Talk about your career. What do you want? What are you reading? What are you making? What excites you? What is your health like?

And write this day, this one day ten years from now. So one day in the winter of 2027, what does your whole day look like? Start from the minute you wake up, brush your teeth, have your coffee or tea, all the way through until minute you tuck yourself in at night. What is that day like for you?

Dream big, dreams without any fear. Write it all down. You don’t have to share it with anyone other than yourself. Put your whole heart into it. And write like there is no tomorrow; write like your life depends on it because it does.

And then read it, once a year, and see what happens. It i!s magic!It is astounding!


To listen to full podcast click below. The section about this exercise is at 1:33:51.

https://tim.blog/2017/01/12/how-to-design-a-life-debbie-millman/

THE SECRET TO FIND AND FALL IN LOVE- 36 QUESTIONS

 Love is hard to find and is always so elusive but what if there was a formula for this? Here's a great article by Ange McCormack and Sarah McVeigh, talking about the famous 36 questions that lead to love by the  professor of psychology Arthur Aron.

36 QUESTIONS THAT LEAD TO LOVE

We’re always told love is complex. Love is blind. Love hurts. Love will happen when you least expect it.

But what if falling in love is actually a recipe - where all you need is one partner, three dozen questions, and four uninterrupted minutes of looking deeply into each other’s eyes?

Arthur Aron, professor of psychology at the State University of New York, is now famous for developing 36 questions that bring people closer together - most recently brought into the limelight by an iconic New York Times Modern Love column.

Some of the questions are pretty innocuous; others confronting.

Completed all at once, they can be a shortcut to intimacy in an hour.

How the questions came about

In 1967, Arthur Aron found two profound things: love, and the basis of his life’s work.

“When I was in graduate school, in social psychology, the culture back then was to look for a topic that people don’t think can be studied scientifically - and do it,” Arthur Aron told Hack.

“I fell deeply in love with Elaine Aron, my long term partner and collaborator. I looked around and there was almost no research on love. So I said, ‘there’s my topic’.”

Thirty years later, the Arons published the results of their study’s “closeness-generating procedure”, or what we now know as the 36 questions that lead to love.

“The idea was that we wanted to study what goes on with closeness, how does it affect your hormones, your brain, your behaviour,” Dr Aron explains.

The questions ended up having a knack not only for generating closeness between strangers, but making them fall in love.

“The very first couple that pilot tested the questions were research assistants in our lab involved in some other research, they didn’t know what this was about.

They actually fell in love and got married, and invited the rest of the lab to their wedding.”

Why the questions bring people together

The questions are divided into three sections (read them at the end of this article), which gradually become more and more intense.

One of the first questions asks if you’d like to famous; one of the last asks which death in your family you would find most disturbing.

“One of the main things [about these questions] is self-disclosure. Revealing things about yourself, and going both ways, and it has to be gradual,” Dr Aron says.

“If you say too much too fast, it puts the person off. But if you start with something that’s not too personal and then gradually move to personal, both are comfortable and it develops a great deal of closeness. We have a few questions in there that are things like, ‘name some things you’ve noticed about the other person that you like,’ or ‘name some things that you have in common with the other person.’



Arthur and Elaine Aron working together in their younger years.

“Turns out that actually being similar doesn’t matter very much, but believing you’re similar matters a huge amount. And if the information matches your own information, especially with attitudes, you’re more likely to like them and want to get to know them.”

There’s been a lot of hype around the 36 questions: the New York Times column, threads on Reddit gushing about its success, apps, Youtube experiments and articles galore.

But do the questions bring people closer together, and keep them close? Or is it temporary?

“There’s been not much study of long term impact, most of our studies have looked at the effect in the lab. After doing this procedure, an hour later people report being very close to the other person, but what that would be six months later, we don’t know,” Professor Aron says.

“The one place where it has been looked at with a little bit bigger and longer term effects, is with pairs of married couples. The not only get closer to the married couple, but they get closer and increase the passionate love for their own partner.”

What about unrequited love?

Falling in love is the best thing about romance, Dr Aron says; getting rejected is the worst.

“What we know is that [unrequited love] is very common. Almost everyone has experienced it once in their life. Typically it happens where the person is appropriate for you, and you have misinterpreted something they did initially as indicating they make like you,” Dr Aron says.

“How you react depends on what we call attachment style which comes from how you were raised. If you were raised in a way with parents that were very unavailable or difficult or even abusive, you may be what we call ‘avoidant’. Avoidants actually have the best experience with unrequited love, because they’re not really looking for a relationship.

“Then there’s what we call ‘ambivalents’, and these are people who were raised with parents who were inconsistent - sometimes very there and sometimes not very there. Ambivalents tend to be really attracted to people, but don’t believe they’ll be attracted back, and they’re the ones who suffer the most.

“Then there are the majority of people who are called ‘secures’, who had reasonably okay upbringings, and for them it’s not as common to have intense unrequited love, and usually when they do it it’s through a mistake and understanding of the other’s response.

When people are rejected, of course it’s very hard on them. But it does get better over time. That’s hard to tell people, they don’t want to hear it - but in fact it does.”

The secret to a long, loving relationship

Arthur Aron has spent his life studying love, and he’s been with his wife Elaine for fifty years. So what’s the secret?

Dr Aron says that there’s four major things that can put strain on a relationship and make it worse: poor mental health in either partner, a life-changing stress like the death of a child, poor quality of friends or family around you, and poor communication skills.

Keeping those things in balance as best you can will strengthen a relationship, Dr Aron says, and there’s also a few things that can go a step further.

“One of the biggest is doing exciting, challenging, novel things with your partner on a fairly regular basis. Turns out that’s really impactful on increasing the passionate love and maintaining it and rekindling it.

“Another one that’s very easy for couples to do is called capitalisation. It’s important of course to support your partner when things go badly, but it’s important in terms of making things good in your relationship, to celebrate their successes.”

Try out the 36 questions with a partner or stranger below.

The 36 questions

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Final task / suggestion: Stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

Ange McCormack, Sarah McVeigh http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love/8387736

How did you find it? Did any of these questions bring you closer? Do you have questions of your own? Please share in the comments.

TRANSFORM TO GREATNESS BY MASTERING YOUR HABITS

You become what you repeatedly do. Excellence there is not a skill but a habit ......Aristotle.

Your habits dictate the direction of your life. If you change your habits you life changes.

Many people spend vast resources of energy time and money and fail when if they had made small changes to their habits, they could have succeeded with far less effort and stress involved. Here is a good article by Kyle Colley talking about  mastering your habits to master change.

The Psychology of Habits: How to Become a Master of Change

Humans are creatures of habit. Think for a moment of your daily routine. If you are like 98% of human beings, your morning habitsremain relatively unchanged, without any true variations from year to year. The other 2% are the very forward-minded people that change their habits constantly to maximize their success in life.

There are many reasons why humans might stick to their bad habits for so long; comfort, fear of failure, and the strength of a habit over time. Research shows that the longer the habit has been in effect, the harder it is to change. I’d like to argue, however, that humans have the ability to adapt to any and all kinds of change simply by replacing old thought habits with new and better ones. I believe that far from being incapable of change, we can all be masters of change, because we ultimately control our own habits.


Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.

– Deepak Chopra

Before we can change a habit, we must first know what habits are and how they are formed. By definition, a habit is “a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance” (Merriam-Webster).

Anything that you think and do over and over again becomes a habit. According to research done at University College London, it takes on average 66 days for a new habit to form. On paper this seems quite feasible, yet it is easier said than done because of our human desire to remain in our comfort zones.

Take control of your mind

Due to human bias, it is extremely challenging to make new habits stick. The battle has to be won in the mind before it can be manifested in reality. Being aware of this human cognitive bias is crucial for creating the willpower necessary to change any habit you want; humans are not bound to anything, yet because of mental habits and perceptions, it often feels like we are.

The other conflict that gets in the way of creating new and better habits is the inability to consciously notice our own habits. Most people’s core beliefs and ideas about the self were developed at a young age, before they even developed the ability to consciously choose what they wanted to believe or how to interpret situations.

This is where memory plays an interesting role. Our memory is often distorted based on our current mindset, meaning that an event that had no significance when it occurred might gain a purpose within a new context or mindset.

The power of auto-suggestion
Thought habits that developed in adolescence, unless replaced with a better habit, probably still have an unconscious impact. One can begin to reprogram this thought pattern, however, by simply auto-suggesting a thought of desire and then training it like a habit, consciously sending positive thoughts to the subconscious mind.

An auto-suggestion is a conscious thought sent to the unconscious mind. Because thoughts are impulses and have a frequency of vibration, doing this over and over again can create a new thought habit; the same way a habit is formed on a surface level, it can be formed on a chemical level as well. Knowing this is fundamental in fighting through the uncomfortable part of change.

Use substitution to see through the resistance

Additionally, in order to adapt to change quickly it is immensely important to know that old habits do not just disappear, but are instead replaced by better ones. Habits cannot be easily replaced; the body and mind naturally know this and will at first resist.

It is believed that a lot of our bad habits as humans are caused by stress and boredom, and that these two elements directly affect the body and mind’s resistance to new habits. This natural resistance has perhaps led the vast majorty of people to assume that change simply doesn’t last, which in turn leads them to resist it at all costs.

Just don’t give up

Given these points, it is easy to see the challenges of replacing old habits, and the reluctance of people to embrace change. Change is a matter of patience, willpower and consistency practiced consciously for roughly 66 days, long enough for a habit itself to take over involuntarily.

This is important for us to understand, because the only thing standing between you and the person you are inspired to be are the habits you need to change.

Kyle Colley: https://www.goalcast.com/2017/07/28/psychology-of-habits-how-to-become-master-of-change/

What did you think? Has this worked for you? Please write in the comments to share. 

TRANSFORM IN A WEEK AND MAKE 2018 THE BEST YEAR EVER

Einstein said to do the same thing over and over again and to expect different results is insanity.


We are approaching the end of February and this year is speeding past. New Year's resolutions have probably disappeared from sight. Before you know it this year would have passed by and it will the 31st December and you will be wondering, where did this year go?


STOP!


Now Imagine it is the 31st Dec and you are at a New Year's party and someone asks you what you did this year. Suddenly you have a big smile and you proceed to say how you are the healthiest you've ever been, in the best shape of your life, having a great job and feeling happy and it all started when you did the 'Transform in a week' process back in February. So START NOW and get ready to feel proud at the end of this year.
The transform in a week process has 7 steps, one for each day.Ideally do it with a friend as you can encourage each other. Good luck and keep me informed how it goes.




TRANSFORM IN A WEEK PROCESS

Day 1 Find a central place for your notes

Have you ever had a really good day where you have learnt a lot but then a few weeks later you can't remember what you did or how you did it. In this transformative  process you will be creating lasting change, so make sure you have notes that you can access easily and refer to constantly.
You could use a note taking app (Evernote or Onenote (for Microsoft fans), or Workflowy (if you like lists) or just write in a notebook. Whatever you do choose one before the end of the day.


Day 2 Goals

Set goals for the year. Remember when you were a kid and you were excited at Christmas. If you set the right goals, you will wake up in a similarly happy state.
Spend a good amount of time and just write all the goals you want to do.
Switch your critic off and just let your brain come out with what you would love to do. For each goal be specific, what would you like by when.
Lots of people focus on just money or fitness and then feel unfulfilled because they haven't thought about the 8 sides of their life. So as you are writing your goals, classify them in the following 8 headings and  make sure you have goals in each area.

1)Physical/Health
2)Financial
3)Spirtual
4)Mental
5)Family
6)Contribution/Social
7)Vocation
8)Fun

Think about these goals before you go to sleep and let your subconcious work on them. Thomas Edison used to this and enables you to use all the amazing resources of your subconscious to drive you to success.


Day 3 Make a Compelling Vision

With all the goals you have written choose the top 3 and write them down and put them

a) Next to your bed
b) In your wallet / purse

You should look at these all the time and say them out loud every morning and night.

Also create a vision board with all your goals. This will be a board with all pictures of your successful goals. Again put this next to your bed so you see it constantly.


Day 4 Reason why

This is the big one.
Victor Frankl in his amazing book 'Man's search for Meaning ' wrote that the people who survived the terrors of  the  concentration camps where the ones with a reason why. If you have a big enough why you can bear any how.
A good trick is to make it not about yourself. Think if you can succeed you can provide for your kids or your parents or your loved ones.
So think about your reason why. Make it a big one as this is what will drive you to success.


Day 5 Feedback system

Once you have your goals and direction you need to know when you getting closer or further away so you need some feedback system.
At the end of each day think what went well and what could be improved.
With the things that went well - can you make them better or can you use the techniques in a different area of your life.
With the things that could be improved - how could you improve them. Is there anything from another area of your life that you could use to improve this area. Ideally write 3 possible options and then the next time the same situation occurs you will have options to come to a different solution.


Day 6 Measurement vs goals  and iterate

Would you like to know the secret of success? The head of IBM Thomas J Watson said if you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate. So you need attempt and reattempt and change each reattempt based on the feedback you receive. So you need to measure where you are against your goals and what you need to do to change.
With your initial goals, break them down into monthly and weekly goals then start doing actions to get there.
I remember Tony Robbins used to smile when everyone said he had a natural talent for public speaking. All the other speakers were presenting a few times a month wheras Tony was presenting a few times a day. So once you know your broken down goals just attempt and reattempt , re-adjusting for each attempt based on feedback.


Day 7 Accountability and Environment

The easiest and quickest way to get where you want to get is to hang out with people who have already got there. This is like an elastic band. If the people around you are better than and you fall behind, just like an elastic band you will spring back to their level. This also works the other way that if the people in your environment are much more negative, they will drag you down.

They also say that you are the average (in terms of money, fitness, happiness, everything) of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Look through the people you spend the most time with. Do they give you energy or take away energy? Do they inspire you or make you feel down?
Ensure that you surround yourself with people who inspire and help you reach your goals

Also find someone and share your goals. Then put a weekly call to ensure that you are accountable to each other. 

I would  love to hear of your successes, challengers and  processors. Please write in the comments to tell me of  your journey! Good luck. Here is to the best year ever.

The Quality Of Your Life Is Determined By The Quality Of The Questions You Ask

Do you find yourself repeating the same behaviour or feeling trapped? A lot of the time this is due to the questions we ask ourselves which limit the choices open to us. The advice is simple, change the questions you ask yourself and your attitude, the choices open to you, how you feel about yourself and the direction of your life will all change for the better. Here Pinky Jangra talks about some of these points:


The Quality Of Your Life Is Determined By The Quality Of The Questions You Ask




This title is a well known statement in the personal development industry. It may not seem particularly profound at first glance, but it’s BIG when you wrap your head around it. We are always asking questions, sometimes of others and very often of ourselves. These questions have a huge impact on our lives because:

Questions lead to answers. Answers generate emotions and drive behaviour. Behaviour determines results.

Frequently, this whole process from question to results involves just us. Here’s an example of a common, poor quality question that we ask ourselves, answer ourselves and the rest follows suit:

Poor Question to self: Why is my job so rubbish?

Answer to self: It’s boring.

Emotion and behaviour: I feel stuck, uninspired and drained. I’ll make myself feel better by doing something fun this weekend.

Result: I still have to go back to the same job on Monday.

Poor quality questions

A poor quality question delivers poor quality answers. Such answers create disempowering emotions. From there, we are likely to act out less helpful behaviours and achieve poor results.
So let’s flip this example with some quality questions – the more we ask the better:

Quality question 1: Would I prefer to find a way of enjoying this job, or get a new job?

Answer: I’d like a new job

Quality question 2: What am I both good at and enjoy doing, which I’d love to get paid for?

Answer: I’m good at and would like to work in […]

Quality question 3: What action can I take towards getting work in that industry?

Answer: I can start by freelancing on the side, I could partner with someone more experienced, I could join specialist recruitment sites, look for jobs within my own company, pull on my network for advice and contacts and take some courses.

Emotions and behaviour: I can see how this is possible, I have six ways to start this journey to a better career. I feel a sense of control, inspiration, clarity and excitement. I’ll start by looking for specialist recruiters and signing up for a course.

Results: I am now two steps closer to getting a job I really want.

A quality question empowers you to generate quality results

This process is applicable for any areas of life. How often do you hear people who want to be in a relationship saying ‘why are there no decent girls/ guys out there?’, resigning themselves to the answer ‘they are all taken’ and then wondering why they are still single?!

What if they were to ask: what do I want in a partner? Where are those sorts of people to be found? How can I meet them? What can I do to make myself a good match for someone like that?

Don’t forget to take action

Disempowering emotions don’t promote action, they promote avoidance. Quality questions generate empowering emotions which drive action. But you must TAKE the action.

More examples of quality questions

· How can I learn from this?

· How have other people succeeded?

· How can I break this down into manageable chunks?

· Who can I learn from or ask for advice?

· Where is the opportunity in this tough situation?

· How does this serve me?

· How is staying in my current situation a disservice to me?

· What will be the benefits of change?

The list sure goes on!

You can use the template of Question, Answer, Emotion, Behaviour and Result, to ask yourself more quality questions and explore the results that you would achieve. You could also use it to understand more about how poor quality questions are delivering you poor results.

So, what sort of quality questions would you like to ask in your life?

Pinky Jangra: http://www.thepositivepsychologypeople.com/quality-life-determined-quality-questions-ask/